Today, I wanted to talk about something I’ve been thinking about recently.
Many women talk about dating — how to make a man interested in you during the early stages. I’ve also written many articles about resolving conflicts in a relationship, how to be attractive to a man, and more.
But what about long-term relationships or marriage?
It’s “easy” to have that spark, that fire, that ignites between the two of you during the first year of being together.
But what about year 10?
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- How To Solve Conflicts In A Relationship In A Feminine Way
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- How To Be Irresistible To A Man Thanks To Feminine Energy
How To Make Him Chase You, Again?
A lot of women are asking, “How do I make him chase me again?”, “How do I shift the dynamic back — where I’m in my feminine energy, feeling irresistible, and he’s in his masculine, pursuing me and treating me like a queen again?”
Because maybe… in the beginning, he was treating you like a queen. And now, it feels like the relationship has lost its spark. The dynamic has changed. And deep down, you’re wondering — can we get that magic back?
Here are tips and tricks how to do that!
1. Stop Being in Your Masculine Energy – Shift Back Into Your Feminine
The number one thing — and it’s huge — is learning to step out of your masculine energy.
This means letting go of control. Releasing the need to manage everything.
And yes, that can feel really uncomfortable at first — especially if you’ve been holding the reins in your relationship for a while.
But this is something I see happen all the time in long-term relationships:
The spark fades, the honeymoon phase ends, and the seductive, magnetic energy starts to disappear.
And slowly, without even realizing it, many women step into their masculine energy — especially after becoming mothers.
We begin managing everything — not just the home or the kids, but him too.
We start telling him how to act, how to love us, what he should be doing differently.
And it’s not because we’re bad partners — it’s because we’re tired, overwhelmed, and trying to hold everything together.
But in doing so, we become more like his mother than his lover.
And nothing kills polarity faster than that.
Personal Story – Our Sex Life
I want to share a very personal story with you. When I got pregnant and my belly started to show, we began having less sex. In my mind, I was already expecting to feel a bit less sexually attractive to my man during pregnancy, because “regular” men aren’t typically as attracted to pregnant women. It’s natural — sexual desire is meant to create babies, and once a woman is pregnant, a man biologically cannot make her pregnant again.
However, I actually felt the most loved since we had started dating.
Still, the loss of frequency made me start thinking that I was generally less attractive, and I became slightly insecure. I even started acting a bit bitter towards my husband. I would say things like, “I feel like we’re just roommates,” or when he said he would make love to me that night, I would respond with, “Mhm, we’ll see about that… I can already see you falling asleep before I even get to bed.” All of these comments were coming from my wounded ego, from self-doubting thoughts.
I realized that I was trying to control how my husband loved me — and how often he felt like making love to me! All because of my own internal issues around feeling less attractive. I instantly felt bad about it and wanted to apologize to him.
But ladies, I believe it’s important not to dwell too much on telling a man that you think you’re unattractive — because confidence is incredibly sexy and attractive to men. So, I didn’t explain to him exactly what happened. Instead, I simply stopped making those kinds of comments.
I also made peace with it internally. I reminded myself that I had never felt more loved. And even if he did find me slightly less physically attractive, it would be temporary anyway. Plus, at that time, he had a lot of work and was very tired — it could have simply been exhaustion.
I let go of the need to control. I accepted the situation because, in reality, there was no problem — except for the fictitious one I had created in my head.
The next day, he came home tired and, worried, said, “I’m so sad we can’t have sex tonight because I had so much work, and I know you’ve been feeling bad about it.”
And that’s when I showed him the shift in me. I said, “No, Honey, I totally understand. I love exactly how you love me, and how often.” He replied, “But you’ve been complaining about it recently.” To which I answered, “Yes, but I realized it was wrong of me. It was all because of my own internal thoughts — but you don’t need to know everything,” and I kissed him cheekily.
I let go of the control. And ever since, we’ve both been calmer — he has been even sweeter and more loving, and so have I.
Let Go of the Control
So, it really does shift the energy dynamic in the relationship. Instead of allowing him to step up as a man, he might feel suffocated or even resentful. You’re not giving him the space to be in his masculine energy, and as a result, he becomes passive.
He starts shifting into his feminine energy — and of course, you don’t feel like you’re being treated like a queen anymore, because suddenly, you feel like you have to do everything yourself. Instead of letting him figure out his own problems, make his own decisions, and control his own actions — even the way he chooses to love you — you start trying to control everything.
You want to control how he does the dishes. You want to control how he behaves with other people, how he acts with the kids, how he handles every little thing.
For example, imagine he has a business trip coming up, and he needs to catch a plane. You’re running around preparing everything for him, asking him twenty different questions: “Do you have your passport? Do you have your ticket? Did you pack your sweater? It’s going to rain there — did you bring an umbrella?”
In your mind, you think you’re being loving and caring. But the way you show that care feels more like a mother — and he doesn’t want to be mothered. Without even realizing it, you’re insulting his masculine energy.
You think you’re showing love, but to him, it feels like you don’t trust him. It feels like you’re saying, “I don’t believe you’re capable of handling your own life.” Men don’t think, “Wow, she’s so loving and caring,” in those moments. They think, “She thinks I’m incapable.”
Men judge themselves heavily based on their actions and their usefulness. They want to feel useful to you. They want to feel like a king — like your hero. So you have to drop that constant need to control him. Instead, you need to trust him more. Let him make his own decisions, even if they’re not the way you would do things.
Let him make mistakes. Let him forget things. Let him miss his plane. If he’s late and you’re stressing out, thinking, “You’re going to miss your plane! Did you forget this and that?” — stop yourself. Let him handle it. If he forgets something, if he misses his flight — let him learn his own lesson.
Trust his ability to be capable. And if you’re not with a capable man — then ask yourself, what are you even doing? And if he isn’t capable yet — let him make mistakes and grow into his capability. That’s how a man becomes stronger.
Let Go of Perfectionism
Also, let go of perfectionism. If he loads the dishwasher “wrong,” it’s not the end of the world, ladies. Or if he takes a different route while driving, let it be. Let go of the control. Let go of the masculine.
You are in your feminine. You are just enjoying the ride — you’re the passenger, the princess.
Instead of saying, “You should do this,” or “You should do that,” shift your approach. Shift your voice into your feminine. Embrace that softness and say instead, “I would love it if you could help me with this,” or, “I would love it if you did this for me.” Use your soft, feminine voice — your sweet tone — and he is going to respond so much better to that gentle energy. Because if you come at him with a stressed, commanding energy — telling him “do this,” “do that,” like a mother would — it kills the polarity.
He doesn’t want a mother who nags him. He wants a lover. He wants a beautiful, feminine woman he cannot resist. And when you soften, it becomes a pleasure for him to do things for you. When you let go of control, you create space for his masculinity to rise — and that naturally makes him want to take action toward you.
Love should feel light — not like a heavy obligation. It should not feel like a chore for him to love you, to cherish you, to spoil you, to make you happy. It should be a joy for him. But if you’re mothering him — always available, always checking in, calling him all day, texting him constantly to make sure he’s okay — you leave no room for him to miss you… to want you.
You take away the space that longing needs to grow. And in that space, that sweet anticipation, that’s where desire lives.
Create a Space For Longing
Men also deepen their love in your absence — even though they already love you, their feelings grow even more intense, they become even more obsessed, even more devoted. It happens when they think about you when you’re not there. That’s when men truly fantasize about you — desire grows in space, not in constant presence.
Constant presence and constant availability breed contentment — not desire. You don’t want him to feel content and take you for granted — absolutely not! You are the high-value goddess here. He should think that you are the best thing that ever happened to him. When he talks about you — to his colleagues, to his friends, to his family — it should be like, “She is my world.“
So what do you do instead of mothering him, instead of feeling like you have to constantly be next to him? Even if you live together, ladies, you can still find ways to create space. And it is so important to have that space toward each other.
Resist the urge to always text him first — even if it’s your husband. Ladies, let him chase you forever.
Like my partner — he always chased me, and still does. Create the space for longing.
You know when you watch Bridgerton, and you see Anthony Bridgerton longing for her, and we’re all obsessed with him? Why do we love that so much? Because she let him long for her. She wasn’t constantly there, she wasn’t chasing him — on the contrary, she gave him that delicious space, and it drove him wild.
You have to allow your man to fantasize about you. To stay the ultimate fantasy for him, he needs space to miss you. If he sees you 24/7, if you’re calling and texting all the time, there’s no room left for fantasy.
No mystery. No longing. Desire lives in the spaces between moments — let there be space.
2. Don’t Worry Too Much About Him, Like a Mother Would
Also, don’t always ask, “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? How do you feel? Do you have a problem?”
Men process emotions very differently from women.
They need space and time to work through their emotions on their own. Most of the time, they don’t want to talk about it or involve you until they’ve figured things out themselves. Trying to force them to open up often makes them pull away even more.
Unlike us, ladies, who love to talk about problems to feel better, men prefer to solve their issues privately.
It’s not that they don’t trust you; it’s simply how they are wired. So resist the urge to constantly check in or dig for emotions — let him come to you when he’s ready.
Instead of focusing so much on him, focus on yourself.
Have your own plans, your own activities, your own life.
Go dancing with your girlfriends, have coffee dates, go on spa days, or take yourself on a solo shopping trip.
You don’t always have to be with your friends or your family either. Even if you’re alone, it’s powerful to do things by yourself and enjoy your own company. And importantly — you don’t need to update him every five minutes about what you’re doing.
Many women fall into the trap of making their man their everything: Their emotional support, their best friend, their therapist, their world. But that is not healthy — and it’s certainly not realistic.
A fulfilling relationship happens when two whole, happy individuals come together. He is meant to be your partner, not your entire life. Stay busy, stay fulfilled, and stay independent — it’s incredibly attractive.
3. Let Him Fix His Own Problems And Become His Lover Again
Next, we have letting him solve his own problems. Trying to fix his mood, offering constant advice, or making sure everything is handled might feel like love to you — but for him, it doesn’t feel good. Even though your intentions are pure, it can come across as controlling or mothering. Remember, you are his lover, not his mother. He doesn’t need someone to manage him; he needs a woman he can’t resist.
You do that nurturing and fixing with your kids — but not with your man. The energy you bring to your man should be completely different. It should be playful, trusting, and magnetic, not instructional. If you constantly step into his problems, he feels emasculated. Instead of inspiring his masculinity to rise, you end up making him feel small, and that creates distance between you.
The solution is simple: stop offering unsolicited advice. Unless he directly asks for your opinion, hold yourself back. Men need to feel trusted and capable in the eyes of their woman. If you constantly jump in with solutions, he feels like you don’t believe he can figure things out himself. It’s much better to listen, smile, and trust him to handle his life — just like you would want him to trust you.
A beautiful way to show this trust is to ask him, “Oh, what are you going to do about it?” instead of telling him what to do. Or tell him softly, “I know you’ll figure it out, you’re so smart and capable.” If he asks for advice, of course you can give it lovingly, but don’t hand out strategies he didn’t ask for. Giving advice only when requested keeps the balance of respect and attraction strong between you.
When a man feels capable around you, he feels like a king. And when he feels like a king, he naturally desires to treat you like his queen. He steps up, he cherishes you, and he wants to protect and please you without feeling pressured. You inspire this not by controlling him, but by trusting him, believing in him, and staying in your beautiful, irresistible feminine energy.
4. Prioritize Yourself & Your Self-Care Again
Next, we have: prioritize yourself again. Think back to the early days of your relationship, when you just started dating. You had your own passions, your own busy life. You were that radiant, sexy goddess, full of plans and dreams. You weren’t always available; you had friends, hobbies, goals. And that mystery, that energy, made you incredibly attractive. He was drawn to the life you had built, not to a woman constantly needing him for every little thing.
Over time, many women unconsciously center their entire world around their man — and that’s when attraction starts to fade. He met you as a vibrant woman who had her own life, and it’s that woman he fell for. When you become overly available, constantly needing him for emotional support or validation, the dynamic changes. Men are drawn to women who have their own thing — not because of money or career status (unless they are low-value men), but because of emotional independence.
Of course, if you need help with something serious, ask him. He wants to help and support you. But for your everyday fulfillment, he is not meant to replace your passions, friends, hobbies, and dreams. So reunite with your old passions. Think about what you loved to do before you met him. What activities made you feel alive? Dancing, sewing, traveling, reading, creating — whatever it was, bring it back into your life.
Spend time with friends without him. Invest in yourself. Stick to your fitness routine, keep up with your self-care, honor your hobbies and dreams. I know, when you’re married or have children, it’s easy to put yourself last. But your well-being matters, and it’s crucial for keeping your spark alive. When you thrive, he naturally feels more attracted to you — because you continue to be the fascinating, radiant woman he once pursued.
Even when he’s struggling with work or personal challenges, he feels comforted knowing you are doing well. Men don’t want to come home to another problem to solve. They want to be drawn to your light, your happiness. When you prioritize yourself, you not only feel better for yourself, but you also create a magnetic energy that naturally pulls him closer.
5. Stop People-Pleasing
Next, we have: no more people-pleasing. A woman who is always agreeable, always available, and never says no eventually loses her value in his eyes. Men respect women who have standards. This is especially important not only in the beginning of a relationship, but also once you’ve been together for a long time. Sometimes you need to pause and reassess your boundaries — and it’s never too late to shift your energy.
If you don’t want to do something, simply say, “No, I don’t feel like doing that today.” That’s it — a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain yourself endlessly or feel guilty about it. Your time is valuable, whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married. Just because you’ve made a life together doesn’t mean your personal time and interests suddenly don’t matter. Never erase who you are as a woman just because you’re in a relationship.
Remember the early girlfriend energy you had? You weren’t always available. You had plans of your own. You were exciting, slightly unpredictable, and that made everything feel spicy and intriguing. When you bring back that energy, you reignite the attraction. Men love the chase. They love feeling like they need to win you over, not that you’re simply sitting around waiting for them all the time.
Stop being overly accommodating. When he asks, “Where do you want to eat?” — don’t always answer with, “Whatever you want.” Speak up. Share your preferences. Have an opinion. When you express your desires, it shows that you have standards and a voice, which is very attractive. A woman with clear boundaries feels like a prize — she is intriguing, magnetic, and unforgettable.
So, instead of trying to please him constantly, focus on respecting yourself. Hold your boundaries with grace and femininity. Being agreeable all the time is not the way to his heart; being authentic and valuing yourself is. That’s what keeps you rare and keeps the passion alive.
6. Bring Back… The Mystery!
Ladies, bring back the mystery. Familiarity can be a passion killer. Anything that becomes too familiar tends to be taken for granted. There’s a misconception that you have to share every thought, feeling, and detail of your past with your partner in order to feel close, but that’s not true. Some mystery is what keeps things exciting.
Of course, honesty and closeness are important, but sharing everything can sometimes go to the extreme. Balance is key. What can you do instead? Start by adding little touches of mystery into your everyday life. For example, simply shutting the bathroom door when you’re getting ready or keeping certain private moments just for yourself can make a big difference.
Think about old movies — even couples in those films had a sense of privacy. They had their own spaces, even within a marriage or a relationship. You don’t always have to be joined at the hip. If possible, having separate bathrooms can give you both that personal space, and the mystery that makes things interesting.
You don’t need to get ready in front of him. Instead, surprise him! Let him see you before, and then let him enjoy the result after you’ve finished getting ready. It’s like a little surprise every time. When he sees you dolled up and looking fabulous, he’ll be amazed by the transformation.
Let him wonder about your thoughts too. If he asks, “What are you thinking?” you can simply reply, “Nothing.” That cheeky, playful, mysterious air keeps things intriguing. A little mystery goes a long way in maintaining that feminine allure and keeping the spark alive.
7. Switch Up Your Style
Switch Up Your Style – This is also a big thing. Surprise him with something unexpected, like cooking a new dish. Men are drawn to a little bit of the unknown; they enjoy unpredictability and even a touch of danger. That’s why they love the Femme Fatale archetype—because she embodies mystery and excitement with just the right hint of danger.
8. Look Attractive & Feminine
Men are very visual. Even Miranda Kerr mentions that she always tries to look put together for her husband. So, wear soft, feminine fabrics—they create a beautiful visual contrast, highlighting that you are the feminine, the complete opposite of him. Attraction is not just about looks; it’s about effort. It’s about the fact that you present yourself in the best possible way.
You smell good, you feel good. You embrace your feminine presence, your divine feminine energy. You are the prize again in your relationship. In doing so, you remind him of your value—you remind him, without even saying a word, that you are not someone to be taken for granted. Through your energy alone, you become a natural magnet to him.
He will have no choice but to be completely obsessed. Let him rediscover the woman he fell in love with!
