The world is a place of duality—hot and freezing cold, wet and dry, happy and sad—and equally, confidence and self-doubt. Because you know you can access self-doubt, you also know that confidence is within your reach. In this article, I’ll explain how.
Do you want to approach your next project or challenge with full confidence in yourself and your abilities, rather than feeling overwhelmed by problems? Do you want to walk into a room with your head held high, embracing engagement and the gazes of others, rather than trying to fade into the background? Or perhaps you want to know your true worth, so that other people’s criticisms no longer shake how you feel about yourself? If you answered yes to any of these, then keep reading, because today, we’re diving into the essence of true self-confidence.
Here’s the good news: it doesn’t matter how little self-confidence you have right now. Even those of you who feel at rock bottom can genuinely become confident. Why? Because confidence is not an innate trait—it’s a habit. It’s the habit of how you speak to yourself, how you carry yourself, and how you cultivate self-awareness. These are skills you can learn, and in this article, I’m going to show you how.
What is Unshakable Confidence?
Years ago, I had very low self-esteem. The surprising part? I didn’t even realize it until I truly became confident in myself. Looking back, it’s heartbreaking to see how little I thought of myself, and I know many of you may feel the same way. What I want to share with you today comes from years of experience—years of trying to gain confidence through external achievements, appearances, and other superficial markers. But what I discovered was that this was a false sense of confidence.
What I’m here to talk about today is true, unshakable confidence—the kind that comes from within.
Ego Confidence vs. True Confidence
It’s important to distinguish between ego confidence and the confidence that comes from knowing your higher self. Ego confidence is what most people talk about—it’s surface-level and fleeting. For example, it’s the kind of confidence you might associate with someone who seems self-assured but only at the expense of others. On the surface, they may appear strong, but deep down, they are often very insecure.
Why? Because ego confidence depends on external factors—things that are out of your control. Maybe it’s rooted in your appearance, your material possessions, your social status, or even your ability to make people laugh. But the moment those external things change—the moment you stop looking a certain way, lose a job, or fail to entertain others—that confidence crumbles. It’s fragile. It’s not what we’re striving for.
What is Unshakable Confidence?
Unshakable confidence, on the other hand, comes from knowing your intrinsic value as a human being. It’s rooted in the internal—not the external. When you rely on external factors for your confidence, fulfillment, or happiness, you set yourself up for insecurity, because the external world is beyond your control. True confidence comes from recognizing that everything you need is already within you.
Let me make this clear: confidence, happiness, and fulfillment aren’t things you find outside of yourself. They’re not rewards you earn after hitting a milestone or achieving a goal. They come from within. The problem is that many of us only allow ourselves to feel confident or happy when something external happens. “I’ll feel confident when I lose weight.” “I’ll be happy once I get that promotion.” But this is backward thinking. True confidence requires flipping that narrative—realizing that confidence is already inside you, waiting to be unlocked.
Step 1: Understand the Root of Low Self-Confidence and Your Intrinsic Value
The first step in building true confidence is identifying the root cause of low self-confidence. Why? Because addressing the underlying issue is far more effective than simply applying temporary fixes.
At its core, low self-confidence stems from not valuing yourself for who you truly are. Let me ask you this: do you recognize the value you bring to the world?
The Problem With Society’s Programming
Unfortunately, society often programs us to believe that we are “not enough.” Why? Because big corporations profit from our insecurities. They point out our perceived flaws—whether it’s about our looks, achievements, or status—and then sell us solutions to “fix” them. It’s a cycle designed to keep us feeling inadequate.
But here’s the truth: you don’t need to buy into this programming. You are not the sum of society’s expectations. You are the software, not the program. When you become aware of this, you can reject the notion that you need to achieve or change something external to have value.
Understanding Intrinsic Value
You don’t need to:
- Earn more money
- Change your appearance
- Lose or gain weight
- Volunteer more
- Build a perfect family or career
…to prove your worth. Your value is intrinsic.
Intrinsic value is something deeply spiritual. It’s the understanding that every human being—regardless of circumstances—has worth. Even those marginalized or judged by society, such as the homeless, incarcerated, or addicts, possess intrinsic value. This value is not something you can earn or lose—it simply is because you exist.
Let Go of Past Mistakes
Many people struggle to recognize their value because they’re stuck punishing themselves for past mistakes. But here’s the truth: you are allowed to make mistakes. What truly matters is your intention. We are all perfectly imperfect, and mistakes are part of being human. They offer opportunities for growth and learning.
Stop dragging the weight of your past into your future. The past does not define your potential. Forgive yourself, let go of the burdens you’ve been carrying, and embrace the understanding that your intentions—when pure—are what matter most.
Step 2: Cultivate Self-Awareness & Stop Giving Power to Others’ Opinions
Self-awareness is one of the most powerful tools you can develop. It acts as a compass, guiding you toward understanding your thoughts, emotions, and reactions.
What Is Self-Awareness?
Self-awareness means observing your mind and bringing attention to what’s happening within it. Most of us go through life on autopilot, completely immersed in our thoughts. We attach to them, identify with them, and let them dictate our emotions and actions. But here’s the truth: you are not your thoughts. Let me repeat that: you are not your thoughts.
By practicing self-awareness, you learn to dissociate from your thoughts. There’s a part of you—the observer—that can step back and simply watch them. This shift is powerful because the moment you start observing your thoughts, you create distance. You stop reacting and start understanding.
What Does Self-Awareness Teach You?
When you observe your thoughts, you’ll notice patterns. For example:
- When someone criticizes you, do you feel triggered?
- Do you resort to limiting beliefs or self-doubt after negative feedback?
- Are you constantly reacting to others’ opinions of you?
This awareness is not about judging yourself. It’s not about labeling your thoughts as “good” or “bad.” The value lies in simply noticing. Once you notice, you can begin to break free from the automatic patterns that hold you back.
Take Back Your Power
One of the most important lessons in building unshakable confidence is this: refuse to give your power to others.
When someone criticizes or judges you, remind yourself:
“I refuse to give my power to others.”
Why is this essential? Because someone’s opinion of you only holds weight if you allow it to. When you let others’ words affect you, you’re voluntarily handing over your power. But if you don’t grant them that power, their opinions lose their impact.
A Universal Truth: Not Everyone Will Like You. You will never get everyone to like you. Even if you’re the kindest, most talented, or most successful person in the room, there will always be differing opinions. And that’s okay—it’s not your job to please everyone.
Imagine walking into a room with 1,000 people. You’re going to encounter 1,000 different opinions about you. Some will like you, some won’t, and some might not care at all. This is human nature. Recognizing this liberates you from chasing validation.
Step 3: Set Small Goals and Achieve Them
To build momentum toward greater self-confidence, start by setting small, achievable goals. This approach allows you to create a track record of success—an essential foundation for self-belief.
Why Small Goals Matter
Small goals are manageable and within reach, making them easier to achieve consistently. The point isn’t the size of the goal—it’s the act of committing to it and following through. When you accomplish even the smallest tasks, you reinforce trust in yourself and become a person of your word.
For example, if today’s goal is to clean the house, then commit to cleaning it today—not tomorrow, not next week. When you accomplish what you’ve set out to do, you’re sending a powerful message to yourself:
“I can count on me.”
Building a Track Record
Every time you complete a goal, no matter how small, you’re adding to your personal history of success. Over time, you’ll look back and realize:
- You follow through on your commitments.
- You can trust yourself to achieve what you set out to do.
- You’ve already created success in many areas.
This track record becomes a powerful source of confidence. It’s proof of your ability to set goals and achieve them.
The Confidence Connection
When challenges or new projects arise, you’ll approach them differently. Instead of succumbing to doubt or anxiety, you’ll lean on your proven track record. You’ll remind yourself:
“I am someone who gets things done. If I say I’ll do something, I do it.”
With time, this process rewires your mindset. Confidence grows not from empty affirmations, but from evidence—your consistent success in achieving what you set your mind to.
From Small Goals to Big Dreams
Over time, the small successes compound. Each goal you achieve boosts your confidence to tackle bigger ones. Whether you want to:
- Start a business,
- Learn a new skill,
- Pursue a creative hobby, or
- Take on a new challenge,
You’ll know deep down that success is just a matter of commitment and willpower—not ability.
The habit of setting and achieving small goals builds momentum. It proves to you that you can trust yourself to take action, follow through, and succeed. This is how confidence in your abilities is built—from consistent, intentional practice. So, start today. Pick a small goal, commit to it, and achieve it. With each step, you’ll grow into the confident, unstoppable version of yourself.
Step 4: Be Aware of Your Potential
Inside each of us lies untapped potential—a reservoir of possibilities just waiting to be accessed. Deep down, you know it’s there, and part of you craves to see your highest expression of yourself. You want to discover what you’re truly capable of when you operate at your peak potential, and that desire is entirely natural.
Think about why people spend so much time and money watching elite athletes, performers, or artists. It’s because they showcase what humans are capable of at their best. They inspire us, reminding us that greatness exists within us too.
The Roger Bannister Effect
Take the story of Roger Bannister, the first man to run a mile in under four minutes. Before he did it, people believed it was physically impossible. Yet, through visualization and training, Bannister achieved what seemed unattainable. What happened next? Within a month, another athlete broke the same record, and since then, countless others have done so.
Why? Because Bannister proved that it was possible. By shattering the mental barrier, he gave others permission to believe in their own potential.
The Power of Your Mind
The mind is your greatest tool. If you believe something is impossible, it will remain so. But if you allow yourself to see possibilities, you open the door to transformation. Your mindset sets the foundation for every achievement.
Using References to Unlock Your Potential
Look at examples of people who have accomplished what you aspire to. Their success is proof that it can be done. Whether it’s transforming your health, improving relationships, or building a skill, their journeys serve as a reminder: If they can do it, so can I.
Change Is Within Your Control
The beauty of your potential is that it’s not fixed. If there’s something in your life that you don’t like, you have the power to change it. Real transformation starts with desire and a decision to act.
Your potential is limitless—provided you allow yourself to believe it and take the necessary steps to bring it to life.
Step 5: Take Care of Your Appearance
Taking care of your appearance isn’t about vanity—it’s about feeling good in your own skin and stepping into your day with confidence. There’s something empowering about knowing that you’re putting your best foot forward, not for anyone else, but for yourself.
Start Your Day Right
When you wake up, take a little time to groom yourself. Shower, take care of your hygiene, and wear something that makes you feel good. It doesn’t have to be fancy; it just has to reflect the best version of you. These small rituals are more than just routines—they set the tone for how you show up in the world.
When you know you’ve taken the time to prepare yourself, you carry a certain energy with you. It’s like you’re saying, “I respect myself, and I’m ready for whatever the day brings.” That kind of self-assurance shines through in the way you walk, talk, and interact.
Confidence Comes From Within
Let’s be clear: this isn’t about impressing others. It’s about how you feel when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. When you look polished, you feel more prepared to meet the world head-on. You’re more likely to engage, hold your head high, and take pride in yourself.
Think about how different it feels to step into a meeting wearing something that makes you feel unstoppable versus throwing on the first thing you find. Your effort shows, and it boosts how you carry yourself.
Self-Care Is Essential, Not Selfish
Taking care of your appearance is also an act of self-care. If you’re someone who thinks self-care is selfish, let me stop you right there. Giving yourself time to tend to your needs—whether it’s grooming, putting on a fresh outfit, or even spending 10 minutes on a skincare routine—sends a message to yourself: I matter.
If you don’t give yourself even a few minutes of attention every day, how are you showing yourself love? You’re running around meeting the demands of everyone else, but what about you? Prioritizing yourself, even in small ways, helps you to feel more balanced and cared for, which makes you better equipped to handle everything else in life.
Find Your Balance
Now, let’s address a common misconception: not everyone who cares about their appearance is insecure. Sure, there are people who use their looks as a shield to hide low self-esteem. But for many of us, it’s simply about wanting to feel and look our best.
Personally, I’ve been on both sides. There was a time when I thought I needed makeup, perfect hair, or a polished look to be loved or accepted. But as I grew into myself, I realized it’s not about others. For me, it’s about how I feel when I show up as the best version of myself. I take care of my body because I see it as my vessel—my tool for living a fulfilling life.
Why It Matters
When you take care of your appearance, you’re investing in yourself. You’re saying, “I deserve to look and feel good.” And yes, it might seem small, but it’s not. It’s a way of honoring yourself.
So, brush your hair, wear your favorite shirt, and take care of yourself—not because the world demands it, but because you’re worth the effort.
Step 6: Nourish Your Energy
More impactful than your physical appearance is the energy you bring into a room. Your energy is your presence—your aura—and it’s what truly captivates people.
Energy Over Looks
I’ll never forget an experience I had in Italy. My family and I were sitting at a gelato shop, enjoying the day, when I noticed a woman at a nearby table. By conventional North American beauty standards, she might not have been considered extraordinary, but her energy? That was something else entirely. She was radiant, commanding attention without even trying. Everyone in that room couldn’t help but notice her.
She wasn’t trying to be the center of attention—she just was. It was the way she carried herself: confident, engaging, magnetic. And it struck me—this is the power of energy. Looks might catch an eye, but energy captures hearts and holds attention.
So, if you’re thinking, “I don’t have the looks to stand out,” let me tell you, that’s not the point. Your energy will always outweigh your appearance.
Cultivate Radiance
What does this mean for you? Walk into a room with the energy of someone who is confident and open. Imagine yourself saying, without words: “I’m happy to be here. I’m excited to meet you. Let’s connect.” This doesn’t mean you have to be loud or extroverted—it’s about carrying a welcoming, magnetic presence.
Avoid shrinking into yourself or giving off the energy of “I’ll just stay in the corner with my drink.” That’s not inviting. Instead, practice radiating warmth and openness.
Fake It Until You Make It
If this feels uncomfortable or unnatural, that’s okay. At first, you might need to fake it until you make it. Pretend you’re confident, even if you don’t feel that way inside. It might feel awkward, but I promise you it works.
Here’s why: confidence is contagious. When you project that energy, people respond positively to it, and that positive reinforcement makes it easier to embody the energy naturally over time. Soon enough, you won’t have to fake it—it’ll just be.
Rewarded Behavior Repeats
The more you step into this confident energy, the easier it becomes. You’ll start to notice how people react—how they’re drawn to you, how conversations flow, how much more comfortable you feel. It’s like a feedback loop: the positive responses fuel your confidence, and your confidence fuels more positive responses.
Play With Your Energy
Once you start to notice the impact of your energy, you’ll realize how much control you have over it. You can experiment, tweak, and shape your presence in different situations. You’ll become the kind of person who lights up a room—not because of how you look, but because of how you make people feel.
Energy is everything. Cultivate it, nurture it, and watch how it transforms the way you show up in the world.
Conclusion
Your confidence should not depend on external factors. When you give your power away to things outside of yourself—your appearance, your achievements, the opinions of others—you’ll always feel insecure. The beauty of this is that it’s incredibly freeing to realize that you don’t need to meet certain external standards to feel confident. Confidence is an inner habit, something anyone can learn.
The key is awareness. First, become aware of the internal dialogue in your mind. Recognize what’s going on up there. Understand your intrinsic value—that you are valuable simply because you exist. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Next, set small, achievable goals that you can accomplish regularly. This builds a track record of success that strengthens your confidence over time. Take care of your appearance because that’s a form of self-respect and self-love. Groom yourself and put your best foot forward as an act of honoring who you are. And finally, lead with your energy. The way you carry yourself, the energy you bring into a room, will make you the magnet everyone is drawn to.
When you master these things, you’ll see that confidence is not something you have to chase—it’s something that flows naturally from within.