Hi Ladies, today we’re diving into the topic of feminine communication – specifically, how to communicate with a man and how to solve conflict in a relationship in a strategic way. Most women actually do not know how to handle conflict with men. This is because social media and society often place higher value on masculine energy, promoting it as the ultimate path to success. I personally discovered the power of feminine energy only about three or four years ago. I began reading more on the subject, and it fascinated me because I finally felt aligned with my inner intuition.
For example, I enjoy wearing dresses, having the door opened for me, being treated to dinner, while also nurturing my partner and being respected. I love cooking for him and giving him my feminine attention.
And you know what happened three years ago? I met my husband. Shifting my energy from a masculine, work-focused, corporate success-driven mindset to a softer, more feminine, and joyful energy led me to find my husband. That’s why I feel it’s so important to talk about this topic more online, so women can rediscover and embrace their true power!
So how to handle conflict with a man? As you know, masculine men deeply value respect. Unfortunately, during conflict, women can unintentionally come across as disrespectful by raising their voices and becoming confrontational while arguing.
But here’s the thing: you can handle conflict like a true queen – calm, composed, and unbothered – by tapping into your feminine energy. There’s no need to scream, argue, or get angry. You can get what you want with those 15 tips I mention below and leave him feeling good about it too. It’s a win-win situation, when you approach conflict from a place of feminine strength.
Remember, trying to go head-to-head with masculine energy in a competitive or aggressive way won’t resolve anything. Instead, harness your natural feminine power.
So, let’s talk about how to stay feminine, unbothered, and effective during conflict.
1. Stay Calm And Collected
My first piece of advice is to stay calm and collected. As I always say, a high-value woman’s greatest asset is her ability to remain composed – her elegance and grace. No matter the situation, whether it’s an argument with your partner, husband, or boyfriend, you must center yourself before responding. This is crucial, ladies, as it allows you to approach the situation with a clear mind. Reacting from a place of emotion can lead to saying things you don’t mean or might regret, potentially making the conflict worse.
So, first and foremost, stay calm. Take a step back before engaging in the discussion. Practice deep breathing. Whenever you’re in a conflict, take a deep breath and visualize yourself calming down, putting yourself in a soft, peaceful place. When you’re calm, people are much more likely to listen to what you have to say. This is why I always emphasize slowing down your tone. Slow down your voice. You’ll sound more purposeful, confident, and assured in what you’re saying.
A woman who can remain calm and collected, manage her emotions, and handle conflict in a feminine way is incredibly attractive to a masculine man. A masculine man will deeply appreciate this quality because it’s so rare these days. In a world filled with chaos and drama, when everyone is so dramatic, being the woman who remains composed and graceful makes you stand out like a unicorn – rare and unique. And when you’re ready to have a conversation, always be mindful of the timing.
2. Think About The Appropriate Time When To Approach Him
When is the best time to approach him and discuss about the issue? Is he traveling? Is he meeting a client? Does he have a lot of work to do? You cannot do that when he is traveling, meeting a client very busy with work and stress. With work, it is not going to be the best time to approach him about the issue, because you’re going to add more stress to him. You’re never going to have the response that you want. You never want to address an issue in front of other people or in public. Absolutely never. Ladies,
criticize a man or talk about an issue that you have with him, anything like that, in front of friends, in front of family, in front of other people or in public. Always wait to be in a private space with him, alone and when he is feeling good, when he’s calm, he’s not stressed about something. I was sort of sugar coating it when I said his restaurant was very successful, the truth is, he mismanaged that pizza joint right into the ground. Wait for the right moment so that he can actually listen to you and listen to your concerns. I wanted to also think about, how do you want this situation to end right?
3. Know Exactly How You Want The Conflict To End & Communicate It To Him Clearly
What is it that you really want at the end of this conflict? Do you want to resolve it? How do you envision the resolution? I don’t want you to engage in conflict just for the conflict and the sake of arguing or going in circles for hours. I often see women do that, raising their voices and bringing up every little thing a man did even 15 years ago, simply because they want to vent their emotions rather than logically solve the issue at hand. This approach isn’t productive and shouldn’t be happening.
The truth is, masculine men don’t like to talk endlessly about an issue. They prefer to solve problems quickly and efficiently, and they don’t enjoy rehashing the same topic over and over again. They are problem-solver. And they often don’t understand, that us women, are so emotional. So, before you bring up the issue, ask yourself: What do you really want?
Do you want him to apologize? Do you want him to change his behavior? Or maybe you just want him to understand your point of view? Often, as women, we simply want to feel understood. But remember, people of high value – those who are elevated and smart – don’t have time for unnecessary drama. Even as high-value women, we don’t want drama for the sake of it. We want to resolve conflicts and move forward.
I noticed with my husband, that sometimes I was getting hurt emotionally about a situation, when, if looked at it from an objective way, was not that bad at all. I was just being emotional, but actually there was no logical issue at all.
For example, we usually text each other often throughout the day. But one Christmas, when we were with our respective families, he wished me a nice day early in the morning and then didn’t message me the entire day. I felt hurt, thinking he didn’t care about how my day was going. But later, he explained that he wanted to give me space to fully enjoy time with my family.
You see, Ladies? I was simply being emotionally needy, wanting attention, and I mistook his thoughtful gesture as a lack of interest 🙁
When it comes to conflict, try to view it as a concrete issue. If it’s emotional, calmly express how you feel and why something upset you, without raising your voice. Be clear on what you want from the situation, and once you’re sure, try to ease the mood with a bit of humor. This can help diffuse tension and prevent things from becoming too serious.
4. Include A Bit Of Humor
I know when we’re upset and our feelings have been hurt, it’s easy to get stuck in that state of anger. But I encourage you to diffuse the tension by adding a little humor to the conversation. Bring some warmth to the situation – this is where your feminine energy comes in. When you express that light, playful, almost childlike spirit, it can make all the difference. You know, that cute, bubbly side of you? Use it! Your tone of voice is just as important as the words you say.
5. Have A Feminine & Calm Tone Of Voice
Your tone of voice is crucial in communication, especially during conflicts. As a feminine woman, maintaining a calm and composed tone will give more weight to what you say. When you approach a conversation with a soothing tone, he’s more likely to listen and understand you. Instead of using an aggressive tone like, “I don’t like when you do this,” opt for expressions that convey your feelings more gently, such as, “I feel hurt” or “I didn’t like when you said that; it really hurt my feelings.”
Bonus Tip: Avoid attacking him. Instead focus on expressing your feelings. For instance, if you’ve asked him to clean up his clothes from the chair and he hasn’t done so, instead of saying, “As always, you didn’t take the clothes from the chair even though I’ve asked you many times,” which can come across as an attack, try saying, “Honey, I feel like my needs aren’t being respected when the clothes are still on the chair.”
This approach works like magic. When you express your feelings calmly and from a place of vulnerability, it surprises him and shifts the dynamic. Instead of becoming defensive, he’s more likely to feel motivated to protect and support you because he senses that you’re hurt. This method leverages your feminine energy to foster a more constructive conversation.
Even when expressing boundaries or being assertive, it’s important to stay calm. You can communicate your needs and feelings without raising your voice, cursing, or using threatening body language. Remember, getting overly angry isn’t beneficial for either of you. Men often have strong egos, so the best way to address criticism is with grace and calmness. This approach not only respects his ego but also supports your own well-being and maintains a positive atmosphere in the relationship.
6. Sandwich Approach
When addressing something you dislike about your partner, use the “sandwich” approach. This method works well for everyone, not just men. It goes like this:
- Start with a positive comment or compliment
- Introduce the issue
- End with another positive note
For example, you might say, “(1) I really appreciate how you always take care of me and provide for us. You are always there for me. (2) I would really love your help with the trash situation because I know you handle it better than I do. (3) Your support means a lot to me.”
You see the three steps mentioned above? They create a much more positive experience for both you and your partner. By approaching the situation with neutrality – presenting the issue (not a personal attach against anyone) while complimenting him – you create a more constructive and supportive atmosphere. This method shifts the focus from a confrontational way to one of teamwork and mutual respect. The conflict is not about him. It is about the neutral issue.
Remember, your partner is not your enemy; he is your partner in crime. I noticed, during conflicts, we may start to view our partners as enemies, but in reality, you’re on the same team. You love each other and are working towards solutions together, not against each other, like you are standing next to each other. The conflict should be seen as a neutral issue rather than a personal attack.
This approach avoids making it feel like an attack. Again, instead of saying, “You never take out the trash, and I’m so tired of doing it all the time,” which can sound accusatory, if you use the phrase I mentioned above: “I really appreciate how you always take care of me and provide for us. You are always there for me. I would really love your help with the trash situation because I know you handle it better than I do. Your support means a lot to me.”
In this way, you present him the issue, you present him the problem. And you let him fix it. Don’t solve the issue on your own, let the man do it for you. A lot of women complain that their men don’t help them, but they never let them fix the problem.
Also, you should never be nagging or controlling, and avoid instructing a man on how to handle activities at home or elsewhere. Phrases like ‘You have to do this…’ come across as controlling. Remember, you’re not his mother, and being overly directive can be a turn-off. He’s looking for a partner, not a mom.
That’s why it’s important for him to see you as a sweet, feminine woman who appreciates and trusts his abilities. Men love that. Men love to showcase their skills and help their women, and your approval, admiration, and smile are the best rewards they can ever receive.
By presenting the issue without control or blame, you give him the opportunity to step up and be the hero. You make space for him to prove his strength to you, to show off that he is masculine and strong. When he feels like the hero in your eyes, he’ll be more motivated to solve the problem.
Don’t use words like “Never”, “Always”
Avoid using words like “always” or “never,” as they can don’t help. Don’t say “You never do this…”, “You always do this…”. Those absolute words do not help. It is probably also not true and it does not help in the argument, because he will again, feel attacked and perceive you as a “masculine” enemy. Instead, focus on discussing the issue calmly and listening actively. I want you to be an active listener. This way, you address the problem constructively and maintain a positive connection. Like a discussion, not an argument.
7. Be An Active Listener.
I want you to be an active listener. Focus on genuinely hearing him out instead of always thinking about and already preparing your response while he’s still speaking. Take a moment to truly understand and listen to his point of view and how he feels, and show some empathy for his perspective.
Of course, if he’s done something very bad, it’s natural to be upset, but when it’s an issue that can be resolved through communication, listening is key, okay? Maintain open body language to signal that you’re receptive to what he has to say and try to avoid interrupting. I know it’s challenging, especially when you’re in the triggered mode, so I encourage you to calm down first before discussing things. Approach the conversation from a place of neutrality (this is key!), not from a position of: “I am right” or “I am completely wrong”. Express your feelings and concerns, but also be open to hearing his side.
8. Have An Open Body Language
Please, ladies, be mindful of your body language. Avoid crossing your arms or rolling your eyes, as these actions can come across as disrespectful. This might make the man in front of you hesitant to express his feelings and concerns to you. Many men, especially those who masculine men, are action-oriented and focused, and they may not be used to discussing their emotions frequently. That is why, if he’s already making an effort to be vulnerable and share his feelings with you, the least you can do is listen without being dismissive or aggressive. Show him that you value his effort to communicate and are willing to hear him out.
9. Use Physical Touch To Calm Down The Atmosphere
Physical touch can be incredibly powerful in resolving conflicts, especially when you are a feminine lady. Your femininity can shift the dynamic in a conflict; by being soft and gentle, you can dispel any sense of threat or dominance. When you step into your femininity and touch him gently, have a feminine tone of voice, he will perceive differently (more positively). Instead of coming across as controlling or aggressive in his eyes, he will see you like: “Oh, she is this little, soft angel, that I need to protect, I love her.”. This change in approach can make him feel more protective and affectionate towards you, even during disagreements. So, staying calm and using physical touch can help you reconnect and diffuse tension.
10. Be Clear On What You Want
I want you also to be clear about what you want and set your boundaries. One thing that can be confusing to men is when we don’t communicate why we’re upset and expect him to just figure it out. If you’re giving the silent treatment and not saying what’s wrong. He might ask, ‘Are you okay?’ and you might respond with, ‘I’m fine,’ but we all know what that really means.
Remember Ladies, guys aren’t mind readers – they don’t have superpowers to know what’s bothering you. It’s totally okay to tell him why you’re upset and what your boundaries are. Be upfront about what you won’t tolerate and what isn’t attractive to you. Don’t feel guilty about prioritizing your needs and clearly expressing your concerns. Good communication is key to a healthy relationship
11. Choose Your Battles – Is It Worth To Engage In An Argument?
The next thing I’d like to share is the importance of choosing your battles wisely. It’s absolutely okay to express your concerns, but not every conflict is worth engaging in. I’ve seen many women get caught up in constant conflict, sometimes just for the sake of it(!), and it doesn’t lead to anything productive. It’s important to know when to speak up – when it truly matters – and when it’s better to just let something go.
Ask yourself, “Is this really worth turning into a big issue?” Will it make the relationship less enjoyable? Could it lead to an argument that might damage the relationship? Is it really worth to get angry at him over a pair of shoes left in the middle of the room? Having such small arguments every day can really destroy the relationship, actually.
Sometimes, we let our emotions take over and get triggered by small things and we engage in an argument over and over again and men are tired of it. And we are tired of it. That’s something we all need to be mindful of because each of us has different triggers. So maybe sometimes it is worth it, to actually ignore the trigger that annoys you and go to your partner and hug him.
Personally, I’ve learned about a few triggers I have, after a lot of trial and errors, and I am always trying to be self-aware and laugh it off. Because there is no real issue there, it is just my emotional issue, emotional trigger. After a few times, when I caught myself getting angry inside over an emotional trigger and I managed to calm myself down without bursting out on my husband, I now am able to actually not even get triggered by those things anymore!
Now, when it comes to masculine men, they typically want to help you when you voice a concern. They’ll want to do something about it. They are action oriented, they want to understand the issue, find the solution, make action and solve the problem to have it closed.
But in general, ladies, I want to stress this point: choosing your battles is essential. Not every issue needs to be brought up, and sometimes it’s better to focus on the bigger picture for the sake of your relationship.
12. Stop Nagging About Every Little Thing
We can’t just argue and nag about every little thing. Nagging is definitely not sexy, okay? And honestly, it’s not even an effective way to get what you want. Nagging is mothering, and no man wants to romance his mother. If you’re acting like his mother – constantly nagging, complaining, telling him what to do, or trying to control him – he’s not going to respond well to that. He’s not going to do what you want, and it’s certainly not going to improve your relationship. If you want a healthy, romantic connection, it’s essential to move away from that mothering dynamic.
13. Focus On What You Both Agree On
During an argument, I want you to focus on the things you agree on rather than the things you disagree on. Everyone wants to feel understood, valued, and seen. If you constantly disagree with everything your partner says, it won’t help the situation. Instead of being against each other, like in a war, like two armies against each other – try to stand side by side as partners. You want to resolve the issue together as a team. Remember, your partner is on your side; they’re not a threat. The goal is to find a mutual solution, not to “win” the argument.
14. Activate His Masculine Energy
I want you to activate his masculine energy in the situation, focusing on finding a solution together. As I’ve mentioned before, masculine men are solution-oriented, and a great way to engage that energy is by saying, “I want to fix this. What should we do?”
This approach taps into his natural desire to solve problems and allows him to step into that role. By inviting him to help fix the issue, you’re not only addressing the problem but also activating his masculine energy in a way that strengthens your partnership.
15. Be Aware Of Your Triggers & Practice Self-Care
I also want you to be aware of your own personal triggers, Ladies. For example, if your partner says, “Well, you didn’t really listen to me here,” and you’ve had past arguments about not listening, that comment might trigger an intense reaction. It’s so important to recognize those triggers and stay self-aware. You can often feel when you’re getting overly angry out of nowhere, and that’s usually a sign that a trigger has been hit.
So, my last piece of advice is to practice self-care, which I always emphasize. Handling conflict in a feminine way centers you in your calm, feminine energy. I want you to embody that unbothered queen, who isn’t constantly reacting to what a man says or does all the time. Just focus on yourself. Remember, getting angry isn’t just bad for your relationship – it’s bad for your health. It builds stress in your body and can even lead to disease.
Self-care is essential for your emotional well-being and for maintaining emotional control. If you’re in conflict and need to calm down, it’s vital to engage in activities that nourish your body. You can exercise, dance, take deep breaths, or go for a run – this can really help release built-up tension. Personally, a run outside does wonders for me! Pilates, dancing, or doing a hobby you love can also work to release that stress and bring you back to a peaceful state.